So I've been talking again with my crush and yeah, he was nice in chats. So I planned to go hangin' out with him and other friend. And Aida was planning to go out with a guy he never met. She met him online. Hes cute and surely they made me jelous of them.
I have a boyfriend, but I dont feel like it. He only called me once, and it was only a few seconds. He barely chat with me. I was the one who needs to start a conversation with him. This actually made my heart ache. When I saw Aida and her new boyfriend, they were loving. They barely know each other yet he was sweet. And it made me feel like I want it. I had more boyfriends than her but I've never been to any dates with them while she did. Why cant I have those momments?
She made me jealous of her. She gets what she wants with the most awesome people in her life. While me, I had to do something to make people notice me. People notice Aida just like that. She's a natural talker. While me, yeah, people talk to me but eventually it will go on to one path. Which is sexual talks.
I hate it but pretend I like it. But sometimes I feel soo annoyed and just cut them off. I had to drew attention for the people I like. I had to make myself noticed. While she doesnt need too. Makes me feel like shit. My sis told me I have the bad blood.
That totally makes me soo sad cuz somehow, its true. Aida is more prettier, fairer, smarter, liked more, more friends, she's perfect in my eyes. Everything she does gains praises. While what I did was ordinary to people's eyes around me. I dont get praises. They just think that "ouh, thats normal, Thats what you always do". I always gets that. I hated it.
Why cant people see me as I am. Why do I need to be compared to her? All my life, I've been compared. I've always tried to make myself go to the top. But I will always be taken down to the bottom by the one and only, Aida. My beloved twin sister.
People, please stop comparing us. Stop saying that she's better than me. I know that. No need to remind me of it. It makes me sick and make me feel like killing myself. People around me, they way they talk, they way they thought of me makes me feel like I dont deserve to be in this world. Makes me feel like I should just go away, run away or just kill myself.
