Its been a while since I last blog bout something. The last post was about my lolita dress i guess. And I have been busy with my activities and classes and its Ramadhan. I love it cuz our dining hall open until 2.30 am which was filled with students, either doing their work or hang out with their friends. I usualy hang out with my friends or I will meet Kamal. But usually I will go down to the dining hall around 1.30 with Fira. And others will come later.
This Ramadhan, I've been introduced to various kind of people. And its sad to know that some people actually approached me because of the service they asked from me. I mean, I actually do it to one person. And its realy hard for me to deny any request. I really dont have the heart to refuse anybody knowing they will be dissapointed in me. Its realy sad. And some of them in group actually hates me. Yeah, please be direct with me. Dont be nice to me and then stab me in the back. I really felt betrayed. Thanks guys, how stupid I was to actually believed you and actually think you guys as my big brothers!
And now, they kinda set a label on me. I dont like it and Im totally gonna stop. Like seriously. And focus on one or two. For example, this one guy, he kinda used me. I mean, he begged me and stuff and when he got it, he didnt text me or anything at all. What a douche and I am definitely not gonna approach him again. But seriously. This is hard. Why must guys be soo nice to me? Why cant you just be mean and tell me if you're using me or just simply playing with me. I mean, you dont have to hate me cuz I push you away. For fuck sake, you fuckingly have a fiancee! What the fuck is wrong with you?! You kept on asking me to call you abang but you hate me now? What the fuck!
Right now I cant stop thinking bout this one particular person. Hes actually the first person I trully like after Mr.A like I mentioned before in my old posts. Hes realy sweet to me. Although hes a playboy but I can feel it that if theres someone who he trully like or care, he'll be very loyal. I am seriously in love with him but I feel realy bad about this other person Im seeing.
I realy need to stop thinking bout this guy and just go with the other guy. Im gonna call this person Mr.A(again) and Mr.K the other guy. Seriously, everytime we(with Mr.A) went out, he just made me fell inlove over and over again. Everytime we went out, he'll constantly be with me and took care of me. In the car, he let me sit on his lap. And one time, during sahur, I was sleeping in the car and I was woken by him cuz he sat on top of me. When i scoot over, he lift me up on sat me on his lap.
So, all the way to Lumut, I slept sitting on him while my head against his chest and neck. He kept on playing with my hair and it was damn sweet. On the morning, some of us were playing outside while some slept in the cars. I was in the car with him. He was sitting at the passenger sit infront. He declined his seat and he reached my hand and put my hand on his chest. Daaaanggg it! I mean, if you're not serious, why are you making me suffer! You freakingly made me feel sooo happy everytime I think bout it.
You were my first on everything(except kisses) and I cant stop thinking bout you. Whyyy? Whhyyy? I really like you. Why cant you accept me?
Mr.K,
Im sorry if you read this and you felt angry or something. Im sorry. Those are just my feelings. I really am trying to forget bout Mr.A. I know you know that hes not the best for me. But I just cant stop thinking bout him. On the way back to JB, I actually dreamt bout him. He was saving me from this hell hole. And he gave me the brightest smile. And I cant forget that dream. I really like you Mr.K.
You were always there for me. When I had the breakdown, you were there to help me. Thank you. Please, I beg you. Help me forget bout Mr.A. I really want to have a serious relationship but you kept on pushing me away. I know you think that you'll refrain me and make me feel caged of something. but still. Just help me. I realy cant bear knowing Mr.A liking a person other than me or feel bored of me already. I like him soo much that I'll do anything for him. But Im afraid. I feel sooo afraid now.
You are soo sweet with me and you have high patience and tolerance when it comes to me. I realy appreciate it. I was sooo happy when we met at downtown. I was realy glad that I met you that time. I was sooo glad that I met you during LDK. I was soooo glad that I found you. Seriously. Alhamdullilah. You are my werewolf and I will always be your little vampire. Please be my guide.
