People always asked me if I'm single or just declared I have a boyfriend. Why? Whats with people labelling me? I mean is my face saying I have a freaking boyfriend? Is the way I talk? Or the way I dress? Why so unbelieving when I said I don't have a freaking boyfriend. Whats wrong with boys nowdays. It my business to have a boyfriend or not. For now, I really don't want any. I'm really not comfortable right now. My situation will just makes me feel like fucking shit. I prefer to have a male harem rather than one boy stuck to me all the time.
I'm not denying that I don't have feelings to have someone with me but sometimes reality hurts. I have multiples crush. And I wont make a move or anything cuz its troublesome. I'm currently friends with various guys from my college and some of them are in different groups. Ya know how guys are like girls. They too have groups they hang out with. I'm not really into stick to one group because you will never know which person will help you or not when you need them. Well I've found some people that actually wants to be my friend and will help me in any situation. And some guys here in JB prefer cafes rather than mamak. Thats great. Its just that JB have tooo many cafes, especially in town.
Sometimes I think that if I have a boyfriend from the same college, I have to just spend my time with ONE group. and leave my other friends. I really don't like that. I really do like the feeling of being single when I hang out. But sometimes I will feel lonely and seriously, my phone is dead! Theres no one to chat with except for my family and siblings or when I just need to talk to a friend. Lol. Yeah, I've become anti-social again. I like it. I don't see the point of being with somebody. Because sometimes I am cruel and heartless because I need my space too. Of course I miss being taken. I miss being someone special to a person that likes me, that loves me. But what for do I need that if its just there for only a momment. They don't stay long. Marriage does. Maybe when I'm trully ready, its for marriage? I'm not sure. But I hate being hurt. I hate people not being understanding of my situation or my feelings or even how I am. Why are guys can be so materialistic? Why only see whats outside and not inside? Am I that hard to reach? To understand? I guess I was broken a lot of times that I don't feel the need to reach others.
Aren't it good enough that I understand guys? I mean they of course want space and time to play sports, games or to workout. Or hanging out with their boys. Fine, sure you can do that, but please understand me if I want time for my games. I'm a hardcore gamer. Just so you know I don't play online games. I prefer games that have plots like Mafia, Yakuza or The Godfather. Like that. I will play like 6-9 hours straight. I don't have time to look at my phone or anything. And I also need time and space when I draw. It will always take more than 2 hours or so. So just understand. I don't go out, I don't socialize with people much so just give me space for my games and when I draw.
Thats great. I feel relieve now. Its been a while since I last blog about my feelings. I just don't really have the mood now because I'm all alone here in Malaysia. My brother and twin is in KSA with my parents. My sis is farway from home. And my grandma will be in Europe for 2 weeks. Hmm. I just don't have the mood. Not even to celebrate my birthday.
