Huh, I've lost the meaning of love, infact, I don't even know what love is except for family love. Theres no such thing as love. No. They are only pain. Once you broke my heart, I can never trust you. I don't and I won't. In my life, none ever showed me what love is. All they gave was affection and attention and that is not love. That is just that. Love is supposed to be when you see your future with that person. You see that you live with that person till you're old but still love each other.
I like to watch old couples and wonder will I ever achieve that? I wrote so many post about boys saying how happy I was, But it was just a dream. An excape of reality. And it hurts. Trying to love someone, to let someone into your life is hard, love is hope, happiness, your life. But it comes in a package with hate, anger, betrayal, broken heart.
I wonder until when will I be like this. I don't want to be in a relationship anymore. I don't want anymore pain. I don't want to cry anymore. I just can't take it sometimes. It hurts so much. Its not good for your health at all. Its rather hard to move on when you've let that person into your life too much. It hurts.
Until today, I still do believe that there is no love for me. No. There is not. I wonder, will I get married? Will anyone accept me for who I am? Will anyone love me?
